Abandoned Idea | Hellsing Fanfiction: Lunacy of the Sane

Red eyes. Always those same red eyes watching her. They burned right into her very soul, rendering her unable to escape. Like a snake entranced by a snake charmer. The red eyes always locked her in place, hypnotizing her, caging her in, reminding her – no – mocking her that this was her eternal damnation now. They challenged her, daring her to fight back again like she had done that night. However she knew it would be no use, and he knew that she knew. And she knew that he relished in that thought. 

Since first meeting him, all he had done was take, take, take. Now she had nothing left. Well, that was a lie… there was one thing that she had left… and no matter what, she was never going to surrender it to him. She would fight to survive. She wouldn’t become like him…

Nothing but a monster…

Seras’ eyes slowly fluttered open as small rays of sunshine shone through the gaps in the curtains. The sun was always her warm saviour. It kept the monster at bay for he seemed to hate it. She relished in sunny days; it meant that she was less likely to see him. Finally she could have some form of peace. Not that she got too much of it staying in this place. But after being here for a number of weeks now, she was slowly getting used to it. After all, this was the best place for her. Maybe they could make the monster go away. 

As much as the rays of the sun filled her with relief, the young blonde woman still couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed. Getting out of bed meant facing the monotonous day ahead of her. It would be full of reminders of just how much her life had dramatically changed within the span of just a few months. The very thought made Seras feel sick. 

Tap tap.

“Seras, are you awake?” a voice followed the light knocking on her bedroom door. 

Seras didn’t answer, her blue eyes becoming even more distant as she lay perfectly still. There were a few moments of silence before the bedroom door was carefully pushed open, followed by the light footsteps of the nurse. Seras finally squinted and moved when the nurse opened the curtains, filling the whole room with the intense sunlight. She groaned and pulled the covers more over her body, missing the days where she could sleep in as long as she wanted and not have her life dictated to her. 

“Come on, it’s time to greet the day!” The nurse sounded extra overly cheerful today, and Seras couldn’t help but rolling her eyes as she finally sat up in bed and yawned. She could already feel the beginnings of a pounding headache coming on as if someone had been assaulting her brain and rummaging through it like they had every right.

 
A plastic cup of water was then handed to her, followed by two pills. Seras quickly swallowed them without complaint, desperate for them to kick in and to hopefully keep the horrifying monster at bay. They had yet to work, and Seras was beginning to lose hope. They helped calm her down somewhat at the expense of making her feel nauseous and like a zombie, but at the moment, she would take that over anything else. 

Seras then looked up, placing the nearly empty cup on her bedside cabinet while the nurse rummaged around inside. Another nurse then came in to help her, and the two of them began turning Seras’ room upside down like they usually did every morning. Seras merely stood to one side, waiting for the moment she could finally have some privacy again. Her mattress was turned over and searched, followed by her small closet which was thoroughly searched. 

Both of the nurses smiled and shook their heads at each other once they were done before reminding Seras to get ready for the day and finally leaving her room. All the young blonde could do was stand still for a few seconds, her eyes unblinking. However, she quickly shook herself out of her state before beginning her morning routine. Once she had showered and brushed her teeth, she pulled on some plain jeans and a t-shirt before moving to check herself in the mirror. 

Her blonde hair was a little on the wild side and stuck out in almost every direction. Brushing it always failed to tame the golden locks. Blue eyes, frightened and exhausted, gazed back at her from the reflection. She’d lost a bit of weight, she couldn’t help but note. She looked downright ill. Her toned muscles were becoming less defined the longer she spent in this place. Seras then couldn’t help but wonder how her colleagues were coping without her. She missed them so much. She missed her job so much. She missed her life so much. It had all been taken away from her. 

Sighing to herself, Seras plastered on her best poker face before forcing herself to leave the room and face the day. A strict routine always awaited her. Today would consist of breakfast, recreational time, lunch, group therapy, and then one-to-one therapy, and then after that it would be time for dinner, evening classes and then bed time. 

The rest of the zombies also emerged from their rooms, marching like soldiers into the canteen where the smell of toast, eggs and bacon awaited them. But Seras wasn’t sure she could stomach anything this morning. Instead, she headed straight for the cereal and poured herself a small bowl. Her stomach churned uncomfortably at the sight, but she forced herself to carry the bowl to one of the smaller tables in the corner of the room where a large man was already tucking in, seeming a bit on the brighter side today. 

Seras sat down next to him without a word spoken between them and stirred her cereal around, occasionally taking in a small mouthful. Two more familiar faces joined them, followed by another. It was like this every morning, the five of them sitting together for breakfast. None of them were really morning people, especially with how tired their medication tended to make them feel. All most people in this place wanted to do was sleep, but they were forced to keep relatively busy. 

Looking up, Seras noticed a few of the doctors and nurses talking and laughing nearby, as well as the other patients that were caught up in their own conversations. Little friendship groups had formed in this place, and Seras found herself very much content with the small one that she had formed. She wasn’t sure how they had become friends, but being in the same group therapy certainly helped. 

“So, how’s Seras today?” a soft voice spoke up, and that’s when Seras realised that they had all been having a conversation that she had been completely oblivious to. 

Seras stared at the woman whose hair was an even paler blonde than her own. Her eyes were a light blue and held nothing but kindness. Her mascara thickened eyelashes highlighted them beautifully, and her hair was pulled back into a messy bun like it usually was. She had her arms crossed as she leaned back in her chair.

“I’m fine,” Seras responded with a light shrug. 

A snicker brought Seras’ attention to the red headed woman sitting next to the blonde one. Though her hair was starting to turn back to its natural brown after being unable to dye it for weeks on end. She wore much darker make-up, but wasn’t too heavy with it. She was one of the oldest of the group, and took on an almost bossy older sister role within the group. She was short and a little on the plump side and an almost infectious cheeky grin. 

“We all know that if that was the case, you wouldn’t be in this place,” the red head joked. 

Seras smirked in response, still stirring her cereal. 

“Speak for yourself,” the large male spoke up, his appearance and soft voice always reminding Seras of a giant teddy bear. He was a man in his early forties with brown curly hair and glasses. “I’m only here because I tried to kill myself.”

“Which totally isn’t crazy at all,” the red head continued to snigger. 

“My stomach’s hurting again,” the monotone voice of the second male finally spoke up. He was very tall with green eyes that looked devoid of all life. His robotic voice matched this, along with the washed out colour of his clothes. His hair was light brown and thin, sticking out from his scalp like wispy waves. 

“Danny, we told you, that’s just hunger pain.” The red head rolled her eyes as she answered, but they all knew that he would be making the exact same observation the next morning, and perhaps even throughout the day. 

“Oh right,” was all Danny muttered in response. 

“At least it’s group therapy today!” the light blonde girl said with a hint of excitement. She was always the most extroverted out of all of them and enjoyed the company of others. 

Seras shuddered. Sure, being with her new friends was nice, but hearing all of their stories and feelings could be difficult sometimes. They were all in the same boat, but it did little to soothe Seras’ embarrassment over being trapped in a place like this for now. 

“Oh yay!” the red head responded sarcastically. “I so look forward to the stupid games we play; it’s the highlight of my week!”

“Shut up, Marie, you’re such a misery guts,” the blonde playfully huffed. “Charlie’s the one who’s supposed to be the misery guts.”

“It’s true,” Charlie chuckled out. 

“Well… I’m technically half a misery guts, Poppy,” Marie retorted, beginning to swing on her chair as they playfully fought. 

Poppy rolled her eyes before turning back to Seras. “Are you sure you’re alright, Seras? You’re being very quiet this morning?”

“Oooo careful!” Marie laughed. “She might be seeing monsters again!”

“I am not!” Seras yelled, and the mood instantly fell sour. Sure, they joked about their conditions all the time, but teasing someone about hallucinations in this place was a line that you did not cross. Especially for Seras. They were terrifying and personal. She knew it was a cliché, but sometimes she swore that these were not mere hallucinations. They felt so real. But nobody seemed to believe her. It only made her come across as all the more crazy.