⚠ TRIGGER WARNING: Medical Descriptions ⚠
Hello again, everyone! Long time no see! Quite literally...
Yeah, sorry about that. Trust me, I would much rather have been writing than dealing what I've had to deal with for the majority of 2025. So I thought I'd post this update in case anyone was interested, and to keep you up to speed as to when I'll next be updating, especially since I have had a few concerned messages off people. Plus, this is a good way for me to get things off my chest.
As you may have guessed from the title, I've been in and out of hospital and doctors' offices this year. My health just suddenly began to spiral downwards at the end of May 2025, and I had no clue what was going on. I really didn't think much of it at first. I've always had a bit of a sensitive stomach, thanks in large part due to my anxiety disorder, so I didn't really notice that anything was wrong at first. Like always, I just put it down to my anxiety.
But then it started getting worse.
I kept having a take time off work, and my colleagues began pointing out to me that I had been getting sick a lot more often than usual. This made me stop and think, and I realised that they were right. I rarely, if ever, have to take time off work due to sickness, but between May and July, I'd been off multiple times in a row with stomach issues. That then got me thinking that maaaaaybe I should probably speak to a doctor about it. It was starting to not feel like my typical anxious stomach issues, as I was starting to become really ill from it all.
So I made an appointment, and my doctor immediately suspected that maybe it was anxiety induced IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) due to the symptoms that I'd been experiencing. But, just to be on the safe side, he ordered a large variety of tests to be done, especially since my grandfather had suffered from bowel cancer. I was immediately tested for said cancer, but luckily that came back clear. However, they did notice a few abnormalities in some of my other bowel tests. Most of my blood tests came back clear; no diabetes, no kidney issues etc. My liver test came back a bit abnormal, but nothing concerning, even if it was a bit weird since I don't drink alcohol.
Eventually, my doctor truly began to almost come to the conclusion that it was IBS. No other stomach issues ran in the family, and my anxiety is usually always pretty bad, so it was beginning to look clear cut. But my health just kept deteriorating, which a condition like IBS or a food intolerance shouldn't really be doing. What started off as an upset stomach was turning into me being completely bedridden for days at a time. I'd get an upset stomach, starve myself all day, start to recover, and then eat a piece of toast to see how my body handled food, only to completely relapse. I'd literally be laying in bed, completely unable to move, I was in that much pain. I nearly had to call an ambulance for myself one night because the pain was that bad. I was worried I might have appendicitis or something. All I could do was lay completely still and grit my teeth, clutching a bucket. It was like there was a huge pulsating mass in the middle of my stomach. But when the doctor would feel my stomach, he couldn't feel anything abnormal.
But then finally, my last blood test results finally came back in: the one for transglutaminase antibodies. Any result above a 4 is classed as abnormal... mine came back as 14.99. Basically, this test found antibodies in my blood that should not be there, and these antibodies are triggered by gluten. The antibodies in my blood, plus the abnormalities in my gut, and my weird liver levels... uh oh. It was looking like coeliac disease.
My doctor was really confused, as coeliac disease is usually genetic, and I couldn't think of anybody in my family who had the condition. But the only way to be sure was to go into hospital for more tests, in which a sample would need to be taken from my small intestine to fully confirm the diagnosis. However, in order to get an accurate diagnosis, I would need to keep my diet as normal as possible until the test could be carried out.
Sure, that was easy for them to say. They weren't the ones spending days laying around in agony. My job was also on my back for having to take so much time off, to which I would reply that it was either this, or I projectile vomit and shit all over the place. Lovely mental image for you there, sorry. My manager was not as understanding as she could have been, thinking that I could just simply avoid gluten until the night before my tests were scheduled. I explained to her until I was blue in the face that that's not how it works. My doctor said I could cut back a tiny bit for the sake of my own sanity and comfort, but I had to keep consuming it roughly every day or the test could produce a false reading.
Cue my next few weeks of hell.
I also knew that I was going to have to say goodbye to a bunch of foods that I enjoy, and it broke my heart that I would probably never be able to eat noodles again. I figured that if I was going to poison myself, I might as well be naughty and do it with all the foods that I enjoy. So I was ordering take-out most nights only to then curl up in a ball a few hours later, sobbing, and wishing that the pain would just end. I managed to get a few sick notes off my doctor, but that didn't stop my manager from whining to me about how I should 'have better control over the whole thing'. Whatever. Technically there was nothing she could do. She could try, but ultimately a doctor's opinion trumps everything. I think I'm going to listen to the people who have studied medicine for decades rather than to my boss who's convinced she knows everything because a friend of a friend has coeliac disease as well.
⚠ THE GORY BIT BEGINS ⚠
October rolls around, and it's finally time for me to go into hospital for my tests.
The procedure I had to have done is what's known as an endoscopy, which involves a long tube being inserted through your mouth, down your throat, through your stomach, and then into the small intestines. It's about as horrific as it sounds, and needless to say, I was petrified.
Two options were available to me: I could either just have the throat numbing spray, or I could have the throat numbing spray and be sedated (drugged to keep me calm, but still ultimately awake and alert). I don't know what kind of masochist would choose not to have sedation, so obviously I picked the spray and sedation option. Most people I spoke to who had also had the procedure said that the sedation did make it easier, and the majority of people had amnesia regarding the whole thing thanks to the drugs. Fingers crossed I'd get the amnesia.
But this is me we're talking about, so of course things went wrong...
First of all, the nurse couldn't find a vein to insert my cannula. This resulted in me having to be stabbed with a pretty thick needle multiple times until she managed to find one. I was hoping to have it in the arm which would be less painful, but nope - back of the hand it is.
I'm then guided into a room that looks like something from some sci-fi movie, and I then proceed to have a panic attack as I warned the doctors that I was very anxious (as if they couldn't already tell). I managed to force myself to sit down, and one of the doctors began to administer the throat spray, which was way more horrific than I thought it was going to be. First of all, it tasted absolutely disgusting, with the taste alone making me gag. That stuff gets to work straight away, and my whole mouth and throat was beginning to feel numb. This once again triggered a panic attack, since I often associate numbness with panic attacks. I had to have a few more sprays and swallow it! Bleh! Swallowing when your whole mouth is numb is a super difficult process.
I'm then encouraged to lay down, and another doctor attaches the sedative to my cannula. Apparently, that stuff is supposed to work straight away, only I forgot to mention that I've always been one of those people that things can take a while for things to have an effect on. Painkillers, alcohol, any sort of medication really, takes forever to absorb properly into my body for some reason. I think it's a genetic thing, because my brother is exactly the same.
This was one of those times my body decided to troll me, because the sedation also didn't absorb into my system properly. Meaning that I was fully alert and in a panicked state for the entire procedure.
I also thought that the procedure would maybe be about two minutes at most... nope. It was thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of having a thick tube down your throat that went all the way down into your small intestines.
I could maybe have settled down and relaxed if it was as simple as that, to be honest. But no. In order to see what's going on and what they're doing, the doctor had to pump air inside of me in order to open up my internal organs for him to get pictures and samples. The air would make me bloat, burp, and feel sick, which would then result in me gagging and choking. I threw up all over the doctors, and it wasn't even normal puke since I had to fast for six hours beforehand; it was pure bile, and a little bit of blood from the tissue samples they'd taken. My heart rate monitor was going crazy the entire time, and I've got vague memories of the nurses trying to comfort me. I also remember wildly waving my arm around and shouting at the doctors to "hurry up!" as best as I could through all the tubes inside me. I still feel really bad about all of that...
FINALLY, after what felt like forever, but was actually thirty minutes, it was over. And that's when the sedation finally kicked in for me.
So there I was, laying in a hospital bed in a puddle of my own bile and blood, feeling drunk as the doctors packed everything away, and I waved my arms about everywhere.
⚠ THE GORY BIT ENDS ⚠
This is where my memory gets a big foggy, but one of the nurses finally wheeled me out of the room, and I must have done something weird while in the corridor, as one stranger asked if I was okay, to which the nurse laughed and explained that I was sedated.
I was left in recovery to... well... recover, and I remember repeatedly asking where the hell my amnesia had gotten to. In true British fashion, I was given a nice cup of tea and some gluten free biscuits while the nurse called my mum to come and pick me up, since I had to have someone with me for twenty-four hours afterwards. I'm guessing my mum must have asked if I was okay, because I overheard the nurse say, "she's fine, she's just giggling away to herself."
The throat spray quickly wore off, which I was very grateful for, and I found myself pondering how on earth people could deep-throat during blow jobs. My recovery went well, even though I was still high as a kite, but unfortunately the woman opposite me wasn't doing as well. She kept feeling like she was going to be sick, and I ended up having to call for some help for her.
The next thing I remember is being helped out of bed and seeing the stains I'd left on the sheet and apologising profusely, and saying that doctors and nurses do not get paid enough for this stuff, to which the nurse laughed and agreed. Fairly sure we went on a rant about the government after that.
I had my final consultation with one of the nurses, to which I was given photographs of my stomach and intestines (thanks?) and sent on my way. The main thing is, they once again found no signs of cancer, and I'd have my results in a few weeks... just in time for Christmas! Yaaay! But at least I could now cut gluten out of my diet entirely and begin the long road to recovery.
Sure enough, a week before Christmas, I got my diagnosis: it was coeliac disease.
They could tell straight away from my samples, go figure. But apparently, that wasn't the complete end of the story, because now they have to find out exactly how much damage the disease has done to my body. I've had a have a few more blood tests to see if I'm now deficient in anything, and I needed to have my liver checked again. I've also had to have a full bone scan since coeliac disease can weaken your skeleton. Considering I fell downstairs with the vacuum cleaner a few weeks ago, and was completely fine apart from my wounded pride, I'd hazard a guess that my bones can't be in that bad of a condition.
So, what is coeliac disease?
I already had a rough idea of what it was thanks to my job, but I never really knew the details. I just knew that people with coeliac disease couldn't consume gluten. Basically, coeliac disease is an autoimmune condition in which the body's immune system malfunctions and gluten proteins trigger an aggressive response, resulting in your own immune system attacking your own body. It destroys the villi in the intestines, which are responsible for healthy and smooth digestion, as well as the absorption of nutrients from food. The intense pain I was feeling was literally my own body attacking itself and destroying my own tissues.
Without healthy villi, food cannot pass through the digestive system properly, and your body begins to weaken and become malnourished. That can then have a knock on effect on the whole body, lowering energy levels, causing pain, upset stomachs, and effectively causing the body to wither and struggle. It's not fully known what causes the condition, but genetics appear to play a large factor. There's no cure, and the only treatment is to never consume gluten again.
Easier said than done.
Gluten is a protein that's present in wheat, barely, and rye, which is pretty much the staple food source in most cultures. It's added to literally everything, so coeliacs have to battle their way through a minefield and check the ingredients of absolutely everything they eat. This isn't just an intolerance where the body simply just can't digest something, this is a 'this food will actually physically harm me' situation.
So navigating this new lifestyle has been fun. I've also noticed that not many people take the condition seriously either, my manager being a prime example. People are refusing to clean up after themselves when using kitchen surfaces, both at work and at home, and I've got to be so careful of even the slightest contamination, as it can set my body off. Even something as simple as my food touching a single bread crumb means I can no longer eat it. I've now got to buy special gluten free breads and pastas, which, while still delicious, cost way more than the regular stuff. Pardon me for having a glitchy body.
Given time, and as long as I avoid gluten, my body should heal itself. The process has already started as I'm now no longer experiencing any digestive upset. Who knows how long I've actively had the condition for, but I'm just grateful that I had a doctor who was thorough enough to spot it. I know that a lot of people aren't that lucky, so it's always important to be your own advocate in these situations. The doctors and nurses who helped me did an amazing job, and I'll never be able to thank them enough. I just wish that there was more awareness surrounding these issues, and that people always have the means to get themselves tested when they think something is wrong, and have all the support that they need afterwards.
If you want any more information on coeliac disease, or want to donate to a charity to help those with the condition, please click on this link:
https://www.coeliac.org.uk/home/
So that's why I've been unable to update my stories. It's been a fun few months, I can tell you that.
Plus, it's taking time to get used to my new normal. Pretty soon, I should be able to start updating again, especially now that I'm getting my strength back. Double Trouble and Reflection remain my top priority, while Go and Conquer still remains on hiatus. I still think I'll probably end up re-writing the latter. My Miraculous Ladybug fics also remain on hiatus, as I'm still keeping my distance from that fandom, but I've still not completely given up on them. I'm still hoping that one day I'll get the confidence back to finish Madness Within and Immortal Bonds.
In the meantime, I've been working on trying to improve my digital art, but I've unfortunately had to remove all of my work from Twitter due to the site's recent decision to allow for easy AI editing of things uploaded there. To protect my work, I will no longer be posting my art there, and I have also removed any fan art people have given me from the site too for their protection.
At the moment, the only place you will be able to find my art, and people's fan art of my stories, is on my blog, on Bluesky, and on my Tumblr page. I really hate having to limit the availability of my work, but AI isn't leaving me with much choice at the moment.
And that's the story of where I've been for most of 2025.
Happy New Year!
I'll see you all again very soon.
